Groundhog Day at FA HQ

Sir Geoffrey Fotheringham glanced furtively at his timepiece. It was 11.40am and his committee had been toiling hard for just over two hours. Fothers hadn't eaten since the two Danishes he had polished off with morning coffee at 9am and his stomach was reminding him of the large calorie intake it was used to. Across the table he had noticed old Maurice, the minutes stalwart, struggling to keep his eyes open and knew it was time to call a halt to proceedings before luncheon.


"How much more is there?" he asked aloud, directing the question at no-one in particular of the eight people sitting around the enormous mahogany table they were using (the very same table referred to by those in the know as the "Faria" table). 


 "Just the Semedo appeal Sir Geoffrey and we're finished" answered Harry Spooner, the ambitious graduate who the FA had recruited last year after an exhaustive selection and interviewing process that had gone on for four months.


"Which club?" spat the rotund Chairman.


"Charlton Athletic, Sir Geoffrey" said Harry confidently, ever keen to demonstrate his knowledge of the game. He had carried a growing sense of guilt since starting at the FA that he had never really been "into football" and that he felt something of a fraud. Nevertheless, he had settled in quickly at the FA and was surprised to find that he knew as much about the laws and intricacies of the game as many of his much more established colleagues. Ever keen to further his personal development, young Spooner had set himself a personal goal to be able to correctly name twelve or more Premier League sides (as picked at random by his fiance Josephine) before Christmas. He had also been making a conscious effort to read the sports section of his daily broadsheet, scouring it for any reference to the national game.


Sir Geoffrey let out a small groan, but realising that the reward of a lavish meal at the RAC club was at hand, he moved quickly to finish the days' business. "Oh dear. Not them again. You'd have thought by now that they would have got the message. Still, I suppose we should follow procedure." He held out his small, puffy, childlike hand and beckoned at Miss Hardicock for a copy of the appeal. Miss Hardicock took the opportunity to make eye contact and gave a him a knowing look that said "behave Geoffrey." 


Gary McDonald, the only former player on the Appeals Panel (his claim to fame was a single F A Cup appearance for Workington AFC at Anfield in 1952 in front of 52,581 spectators), moved slowly towards the DVD player but was stopped in his tracks. "No need for that" hissed Sir Geoffrey "I think we know what's happening here. The only question in my mind is whether or not to increase the ban from three matches?"


There was an uncomfortable silence before Harry Spooner spoke. "Sir Geoffrey, I read on Sunday that the Brighton player Semedo was dismissed for tackling has gone on record to say he didn't think the incident warranted a red card." There was a further uncomfortable silence as Sir Geoffrey looked around the room from man-to-man, daring anyone to speak further. 


"I think as a Committee we need to show leniency on occasion and I am minded to do just that taking into consideration what Mr Spooner has had to say for the defence." With that he scrunched the appeal between his hands and quickly turned it, so very appropriately, into a ball. He then threw it ceremoniously towards the corner of the room where his wastepaper basket was always carefully positioned to aid his throw.


It was time for lunch.

(With apologies to Commeth the Haddock! - http://comeththehour.wordpress.com/)