Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Roland, I shrunk the club!

Hi Roly Sweetknees,

Just wanted to update you on progress here in Charlton FC. It was great to see you the other week in person and the staff were all in amazement at seeing 'Father Chrissmuss" as they all called you afterwards. Thank you also for the strong words of encouragement to focus on the task.

Anyways, we managed a draw with Cellino's team as you will have seen. He was such a sweet guy and says he has a job for me anytime I want to perform it, but I am always happy serving you, Roland.

We didn't get the points at Burnly but Karel says he is hopeful next season if we play them again. We lost in the Wolverhempton game this week but it was too close to call and he said we weren't sharp in attack or defences in our box or in their box. I think too many presents for Karel at Chrissmuss, all these boxes! Karel was abused by the 2% at the end but he knows his job and he will carry on. He has tough shoulders and is too pleased to be in this special role. It's also true that the fans know we don't win the Kids-a-Quid games so no damage.

The new signings we are hoping to talk soon with will help things maybe. Karel thinks the squad can be competitive in League 1 with ambitions for the Championship without new players but we can't sell too many in one time. There are other young players we can register. We can have youngest side next season.

Bad news is Lookman has hurt his leg and maybe we can't get the money in January. The Doctor left this week so I will give Lookman a rub in the week to get better. I don't need to say again that to make the break-even, we must raise £2m in January. Johan will not speak with me and his agent was rude last time. He has told Karel he can't play for the team and I am looking for the holes in his contract. He hasn't played for the team even when he has played for the team now.

The new Comms guy will help us sell the season tickets for the next year. He will start when we need him to help us with this. Sales next year will drop by 50% they tell me on season tickets unless we cut costs again. We may need to shut the North Stand as well as the East as agreed. Savings of 20% more on match days costings. Everett tells me we can run with half the floodlights if we do that.

Cost-cuttings are good and staff now at minimum. I have also a Chrissmuss present for you, Roland. I have sold-off 80% of the ticket space to Call Centre for the International Health Service here in England. The deal is a win-win for us (which we don't get so many of) as it uses spare telephone capacity now fewer people want tickets on the match-days. Your great idea to close the ticket office to pest who can't get online one more day has worked and soon we move to another day closed until relegation. Next season youngest team in League 1 and all online sales. Young people love online :) Old people not so good online :( - except you Roland :).

My Web Summit expenses were cleared and I have lots of views on my interview with comments which will return the costs - no worries. Who needs a Comms guy eh?

One last thing. Peter Varney is making much of not listening to him. That Rick Brown one has now looked at embarrassing us by printing all the emails. I hope the fans can see for themselves that we do reply to the emails - well the polite ones :). Richard is very angry but no change there hey! He really is boring and I decided not to sit next to him anyways now.

Hoping to see you before D-Day.


K x.

Chief Executive Officer
Charlton Athletic Football Club


Anonymous said...

What an excellent piece!
You can just imagine that taking place!
I'm afraid the decline started with Murray's dislike of Simon Jordan and the length's he went to annoy him and now Varney is on the attack. The whole management structure at Charlton stinks and a takeover is the only way out now

Dave said...

P.S, I am working on getting rid of that costly programme which is hard to sell. They won't like me just stopping it (do you know some of those weird ones actually collect it for decades!). Imagine! So I come up with a plan to reduce it to a free handout printed on recycled toilet paper and full of adverts to return to profit but give away freely so no difficult sellers. We can leave in bundles on the street!

K x
Chief Executive Officer
Charlton FC